The feeling of anxiety can arise in various situations from the beginning to the end of a relationship. Anxiety in a relationship may be difficult to handle. In this blog post, I explore some topics related to anxiety and relationships.
Anxiety and Dating
The dating phase can be anxiety-provoking since we meet a stranger and want to show our best selves. However, since we don’t know the other person yet, many anxiety-provoking thoughts may swirl in our minds: Does he/she like me? Are we compatible? Why is he/she doing that? What if he/she rejects me? Online dating can also bring ghosting when the conversational partner suddenly disappears. In such cases, we may attach many “unreal” characteristics to the other person, and love may even start to develop (projection). If ghosting happens, the narrative that we have created about the other person and our relationship may be reevaluated.
Bonding and Anxiety
Once a relationship is established, the bonding phase may start, which involves blending and weighing our own and our partner’s qualities and preferences. Our ancestors’ views, worldviews, and habits may clash, which can be anxiety-provoking for both parties. Anxiety in relations can be hard, because the couple may feel that the supportive family environment has suddenly opened up to a new world that forces them to reassess their values, worldview, and behavior.
Jealousy and Anxiety in relationships
The feeling of anxiety in a relationship often appears in the form of jealousy in relationships. We may have thoughts like: Am I good enough for him/her? Is he/she talking to someone else behind my back? Does he/she feel the same way as I do? Is our love mutual, and are we committed to each other? If jealousy is unfounded, it can put the other person in a maternal role where constant feedback is needed about how lovable they are. If there is a basis for jealousy, we may either identify with the role of the cheated person and damage our self-confidence, or overcompensate and try to chain the other person to ourselves so they don’t leave. We may also avoid the whole topic and suppress our own feelings.
Read more on the signs of relationship anxiety
Procrastination and Anxiety in relationships
Anxious people often procrastinate tasks to defend themselves against anxiety-provoking situations. However, this can cause relationship tensions if the other person is less avoidant and would rather solve or perform the tasks. Anxiety in relationships may be difficult, because the other person may not understand why procrastination is a problem. Open communication about emotions is important here, as the other person cannot read our minds and may not understand why the task is causing anxiety.
If you want to read more on how to overcome procrastination
What can you do to support your anxious partner or yourself?
- Learn about anxiety to better understand your partner’s feelings. Remember that we wouldn’t expect a schizophrenic person to stop hallucinating immediately. Anxious people cannot be expected to stop being anxious at once.
- Be empathetic and patient. If we know what triggers anxiety in our partner, we can be supportive and help them manage their anxiety. If we are anxious ourselves, we can try to understand and manage our anxiety before it affects our relationship.
- Don’t minimize your partner’s anxiety. Instead, try to empathize and validate their feelings.
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