How our parents were able to meet our basic psychological needs affects our personality and well-being. These basic psychological needs are culturally independent human needs that are specific to all people, and they have been present since birth.
What are the basic psychological needs?
The three basic psychological needs are:
- The need for autonomy
- The need for competence
- The need for human connection
- more on fundamental psychological needs
Why should we meet our basic needs?
If parents make sure to meet their children’s need for autonomy, a child feels that he can be completely himself. He experiences that he has a saying in smaller things since his parents give him different options to choose from, and his needs and wants will be heard. If this is not the case, then the child may experience constant pressure. He may feel that he has to fulfill the obligations. He may feel that has to do it out of coercion since he has no voice in the family.
If parents make sure to meet their child’s need for competence, then the child feels that she is successful and skillful. She experiences success and feelings of efficiency. However, if this basic need is not met or is greatly frustrated, then she may feel inferior and may think that she is a failure.
If parents meet their child’s need for human connection the child experiences positive feelings of connection, she experiences intimacy, and sincere relationships. If this basic need lacks attention, the child may experience rejection, exclusion, and loneliness.
But why meeting our child’s basic needs is so important?
Children whose 3 basic needs are fulfilled have higher self-esteem and use several types of adaptive emotion regulation techniques. They are more motivated, experience more positive emotions, and perform better at school. They are less aggressive and have higher life satisfaction.
Source: Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The” what” and” why” of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological inquiry, 11 (4), 227-268.
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