Although surrender or quitting is quite pejorative words in our society, every person has had to let go of goals and life opportunities. But how can we decide when to call it quits and move on?
Here are some helpful thoughts you can decide to quit:
1, Look for the remaining positives! Do you still have positive emotions between you and your partner? Are you still interested in what you talk about? Are there still positives in your job? Do you enjoy being with your colleagues? Is there still something you can achieve?
2, How much control do you have to reach your goal? It’s always worth examining how much you can control in a given situation. For example, my goal is to be a surgeon, but I realized that my hands shake and I’m clumsy, I think about whether I can improve this skill and to what extent. And if I can’t exert control, then why am I still clinging to this goal? Maybe it’s time to call it quits.
Read more on the importance of the feeling of control
3, What are the pros and cons? Surrender is a decision, and in every decision, it’s advisable to gather objective evidence in addition to intuition. What speaks for continuing to march towards my goals? What speaks for giving up this desired goal?
4, Is there a possibility of compromise? When thinking about surrender, we don’t only have two options. If we think that we either continue with this or something else, we are catastrophizing our decision. We can also think about whether the way I’ve been moving towards my goal won’t likely lead me to my ultimate goal, but is there a possible alternative solution besides surrender? For example, I won’t become a surgeon because my hands shake, but I can still become a dermatologist.
5, Imagine your future! Without any frustration or expectations, think about what the outcome will be in 5 or 10 years if you give up your goal or current life situation. How will you live, and who will surround you? What are your feelings about the future? This little imaginative game can help you to really imagine your life with or without the desired goal being accomplished.
Read more on when to give up
Source: Kata Herendi, Eszter Judit Szabó: 20 self-knowledge questions and answers (2020)
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